For those of you who can’t read what this says - it says the following:

ARTS - 1100

October 8th, 2007

Film Review

2 Girls 1 Cup

In the masterful modern work 2girls1cup, the feminist genre is reexamined through a series of reversals of expectations. The prevalent ideologies of our culture are filtered through the lens of the pornographic genre - and, in true morder form - the work tends to raise more questions than it answers.

The opening image, that of the stenciled “MFX 1209″ suggests a confusing misunderstanding - the 1209 seems as some sort of date, yet the aesthetic number lends itself to a futuristic association. This blurring of past and future mixed with the confusion of the assumed-to-be acronym primes the audience for the confusion to come.

The first image with the two primary characters (who, for the sake of this reading, I will consider to be the “2girls that are referred to in the title_ is seemingly innocuous - the cross-cultural, lesbian interaction defines the equal-rights(both feminine and racial) within the genre of pornography.

The gentle background music lulls the audience to sleep, and the timely but gradual change into the next shot at :11 goes by largely unnoticed by the audience. The eyes are immediately drawn to the “Cup” (also presumed to be that mentioned in the title) the inversion of the phallus and perhaps one of the most overarching symbols for feminine spirituality and sexuality in antiquity.

The gentle piano concerto will continue as the cup is suddenly and ironically filled with a streaming shot of fecal matter from the anus of our primary character. In this way, the masculines, derogatory nature of the pornographic genre returns in a surprising, explosive manner. The fecal matter “penetrates” the sacred chalice, which raises a number of interesting questions. Many of these questions pertains to lesbian sexuality - is womanly love possible without the masculine grotesque?Is the pornographic genre doomed to exist within the realm of humiliating acts, even when the only participants are an innocuous 2 girls, and 1 cup? The later image of the two characters attempting to kiss through the feces of masculine grotesque (as well as the literal feces) will only support this theme.

The excited but hesitant tonguing suggests a sort of apprehension on the part of the lead characters, but by :25 any hope of redemption has been lost. This transition from playful tonguing to full fecal consumption happens as suddenly as the transitionto the original defecatory act - why do these central thematic moments happen offstage? There is no dramatic dialogue, neither character gives voice to the greater internal struggles that surely must precede the decision to consume another’s feces. This central thematic crux is internalized in both the characters, and thus is obscured from the audiences perception as well.

If you’re unsure what 2girls1cup is, I suggest you don’t find out. The scarring that can occur never ever goes away. It does contain pornography, so please check with your local authorities if you are of age to view this content. Still keen? Here is the link.

Popularity: 25% [?]

The object of this assignment was to discuss what the quote on the top meant.

For those of you who can’t read the photo it says the following:

“Some people don’t look up until their flat on their backs.”

This means that some people can’t look up because something has happened to their necks so they can’t look up for example, if a person gets kicked in the neck by a kung fu midget, they will not look up.

“A turtle makes progress when it sticks its head out”

This means that if you help out instead of keeping to yourself, you can make some progress. For example if you help out with the environment it will make some progress, or some shit.

Popularity: 24% [?]

Today’s funny exam answer comes from college humor.

His professor sent him an e-mail the following day:

Dear Michael,

Every year I attempt to boost my students’ final grades by giving them this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.

There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It’s as if you didn’t look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!

May God have mercy on your soul.

Sincerely,
Professor William Turner

P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
B is the new C

Popularity: 100% [?]

At my first year of college my physics teacher told us this rather amusing story, I’ve never forgotten this story - but I certainly have forgotten everything I learned in that class.

The following question was asked at the University of Copenhagen in a physics exam:

“”Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.”

One student replied:

“You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

“Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.

“Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work uut the height of the skyscraper.

“But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqrroot (l/g).

“Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.

“If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ‘If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper’.”

The student was Nils Bohr, the first Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics. “

Popularity: 74% [?]

If you can’t read it, it says the following:

Freedman Background Test

1). What is the Latin word for “freedman” and which character in the CLC book 4, is a freedman?

Freedmanus

2). What two Latin words sum up the new relationship between ex-slave and ex-master?

Exslavus and exmasterus

3). How did a slave’s name change when he became a freedman?

Gradually

4). What rights did a freedman have as a citizen?

He could compete in the daily pie eating contest

5). What limits were still imposed upon a freedman’s rights and privileges?

No more than three pheasants to a battery

6). What was the highest position a freedman could hope to attain?

Royal shoeshiner

7). Why might it have been worthwhile for a slave owner to manumit his slave?

Incase he choked on a pineapple

8). Give 2 reasons why it is not surprising that freedmen became rich and successful?

They knew how to grow money trees

9). What were the “servi Caesari” who worked as personal assistants to the emperor known as after they were freed?

Nutritionists

10). Why might freedmen have been bitterly resented?

They leak oil from their fingernails due to being crossbred with a honda at birth. they also randomly honked and gave off smoke

Thanks to Anonymous for submitting these exam answers - you can submit your own by clicking here.

Popularity: 22% [?]

Thanks to Trev for submitting this great exam answer - you can submit your own here.

Popularity: 35% [?]

Popularity: 35% [?]

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If you can’t read it, it says the following:

d). How would you verify that the mutants indentified by phenotype in your screen are true loss of function jaw-D mutations?[2 marks]

Answers

Use the radioactive ooze - teenage mutant ninja turtles (picture of a TMNT)

Teacher’s response:

I wish I could give you marks for this! LOVE IT!

Popularity: 32% [?]

Popularity: 33% [?]